If I could
by MLaw
Summary: A look back into Napoleon past with Clara. Pre-saga, Part of the Solo Series Originally posted for the Song Story Challenge on Section VII, Live journal. The prompt was Eric Claptons' 'Change the World'


"Clara," Napoleon whispered her name."I love you."

She snuggled up next to him in bed, still basking in the afterglow of their love-making.

"I love you too." She slowly ran her fingers across his chest. I wish this would last forever."

"Me too baby. I'd give you the world if I could, I'd give you the stars. If I were a king…" he crooned, yet he had a wistful, near melancholy tone to his voice.

"Oh Napoleon you're such a romantic at heart. I don't want those things...I just want you."

He didn't respond to her this time. There was a decision he had to make, one that could change his life forever.

His position with the United Network Command for Law and Enforcement was important to him; just how important was the question that needed answering.  
He was a field agent quickly moving up in the ranks of Section II. Alexander Waverly seemed to have taken a liking to him and was giving him choice, though dangerous assignments. It was as if he were being tested, for what...he had no idea until he heard the rumors.

It was said that Waverly was searching for his replacement, still in order to qualify for that one had to be named Chief Enforcement Agent of U.N.C.L.E. Northwest.

Right now that position was held by Harry Kingsman. He was the best of the best, a regular legend in the organization. It was also rumored, that he did't want to be Alexander Waverly's successor; he wanted out of the Command when he hit the retirement age of forty.

Agents left the field at that age to either continue in a support role in the organization, or they were deprogrammed and went off to become everyday people with ordinary lives.

Apparently Harry Kingsman wanted that ordinary life. He was tired of the risks and just wanted to settle down. Still he had a few years to go.

Such was Napoleon's problem; he didn't want to live that sort of life right now, or maybe ever. He wasn't sure.  
If he married Clara it would be that picket fence life, safe and warm and working a nine to five job day in and day out.

He couldn't do that. That simple sentence was the instant realization that he'd finally answered his own question.

Since the Command prohibited their field agents from marrying, it was either Clara or U.N.C.L.E. and he chose the organization.  
He had a duty, an obligation to the world. That's what U.N.C.L.E. was all about...saving the world. He'd been among a chosen few to do that job. How could he walk away from that? The world or Clara?

Still, was he being selfish on his part? Selfish to stay with the Command or selfish to want to stay with Clara...part of him still wanted that too.  
Napoleon craved excitement, action and yes the danger. There was a thrill in that, but there was an even bigger thrill and satisfaction knowing he'd beaten the bad guys and saved the day.  
"Clara…" he whispered her name, every so softly.

He wished he could change the world for her, and for himself as well. Maybe she could wait for him?  
He doubted that. She wanted marriage and kids; not that he didn't want them. He did, but just not right now.

"Penny for your thoughts," she sat up in bed, drawing her knees to herself and wrapping her arms around them.

He bit his lower lip, unsure if he should talk about it now. Deciding there was no time like the present, he rose, and putting on his robe he took a few steps back from the bed.

"There's something I have to talk about with you.

Something important."

Clara gasped, her hand covering her mouth in anticipation. He was going to propose!

"Clara, you know how much I love you, right?"

She nodded in anticipation, her hands clasped together in excitement.

"I have to do something that's not going to make you very happy. I've decided I have to stay with U.N.C.L.E. and I'm asking you to wait for me, for the day we can be together forever."

" _WHAT?_ " Her voice was sharp. "We talked about this already. I told you I can't live like that, not knowing if you're dead or alive. People trying to kill you, torture, maniacs trying to destroy you and the world. No Napoleon, I won't have it….I can't live like that."

She started to cry, sobbing into her hands.

As I recall it wasn't a discussion. You met was your way or the highway, that was an ultimatum, and he didn't do well with those, not at all.

"I've been thinking it over and we can be together, if you just wait for me? It's not that long really. Clara please don't cry?"

He reached out to her, but she shrank back. "How can you be so sure you won't be dead tomorrow?"

"I won't be, nor the day after or the day after that."

"So cock sure of yourself all the time. Well I'm not sure and I can't…" she continued to sob again.

"U.N.C.L.E. needs me, the world needs me. That's bigger than the both of us, isn't it?"

"UNCLE, UNCLE, UNCLE! I'm so sick of hearing it!"

He tried again but she wouldn't let him near her to put his arms around her in comfort. If he did, he might change his mind.

"Clara for what it's worth. I'm sorry. I never meant to hurt you. I do love you. You have to believe that."

"Apparently not enough," she snarled. "I think you need to leave. Get out!" She reached over, and grabbing the lamp on the night stand, she hurled it at him. Napoleon ducked, and it shattered to pieces against the wall behind him.

That was it; t was over... He quickly gathered his clothing and dressed in the living room, still hearing her sobbing from the bedroom.

He lowered his his head as he walked out her door for most likely that last time.

Napoleon knew he'd broken her heart, and maybe his as well. Yet he had to follow that broken heart of his, and it was leading him to U.N.C.L.E; he had a duty to keep the world safe...for her.

As he got into his car, his communicator chirped to it from his pocket; he quickly set it up.

"Solo here."

It was Alexander Waverly." We have a situation in the Mediterranean young man. It seems a ship carrying a nuclear bomb has sunk and there is a race by others to steal the weapon. Please report to headquarters immediately. You and Mr. Kingsman will be flying there as soon as you have been fully briefed and equipped. Out."

"And so it begins," he muttered to himself. He was to work with the CEA.

Though Napoleon preferred to work alone, not having played well with his assigned partners so far, being paired with Kingsman was perhaps a sign that the rumors might be true. Waverly definitely was up to something, but only time would tell.

His thoughts drifted back to Clara as he drove off.

He had few regrets in life, but she would always be one of them...


End file.
